How you feel about the Vancouver Whitecaps after the 2-2 tie with FC Dallas on a hot evening in Texas will tell you exactly what your personality type is and, using the exclusive Soccer Shorts “Personality Profile Producer”, you can now find out which one you are below.
So have a read and let me know how you fare.
(Please don’t reply to this question, I genuinely have no interest whatsoever.)
A Pixie Sprinkled with Sunbeams- You believe that Lucas Venuto’s late equalizer proves that Marc Dos Santos has produced a squad of players that can get a result no matter how tough the circumstance.
Even Gold Cup absentees, sweltering heat and playing an opponent in the peak of form can’t prevent Vancouver from continuing their unbeaten run.
The Whitecaps are now ideally set to make a run for the playoffs and a genuine tilt at the MLS Cup.
A Reindeer Doused in Tepid Water- You believe that this game highlights the positives of this current team but, in the back of your mind, you can’t help but think there were still enough warning signs that this team isn’t quite at the level you want it to be.
Why does In-Beom continue to offer no attacking threat of any worth? Is relying on Ali Adnan really sustainable beyond the end of June? And Felipe? What of Felipe?
But still you see that Yordy Reyna is back to the best of his form and the return of Crepeau and Henry in particular will make the team so much stronger for the run in.
A Baby Elephant Trapped in a Duvet made of Pine Leaves- You believe that this game offered more reason for negativity than positives. Sure, a point in Dallas is great but that can’t hide the fact that Fredy Montero is not the Fredy Montero of old and no amount of padding his stats with penalty kicks can hide that.
It also looks increasingly unlikely that Ali Adnan will stay and the midfield is still a black hole when it comes to goal scoring and you know that Crepeau and Henry can’t continue with their stellar form for the remainder of the season.
You haven’t given up all hope because you know that MLS can be a funny old league, but you are definitely not basing your vacation plans around any potential playoff games.
An Overturned Turtle splashed with the tears of Dolphins- For you the season is already over. You knew when Dos Santos arrived that his brand of “I want to play football and talk about tactics” would never suit MLS and you feel you are proved more right as the weeks go by.
What is the point in trying to play out of the back when one of those doing the palying is Jake Nerwinski? Or hitting teams on the break when Montero can’t run? Or play possession football when the team can’t pass.
In your world that late Venuto goal simply establishes that sitting deep and bringing on a fast player at the end is the best way to play every game of football.
The only pleasure you have left in life is sitting back and watching the inevitable demise of an empire built on shifting sand.
So which personality type are you?
(As I said, I really don’t care. Please do not reply.)
Time for the Soccer Shorts Player Ratings.
MacMath-5.5, Sutter-4.5, Adnan-6, McDonough-4.5, Rose-5.5, Godoy-5.5, Erice-6*, Felipe-5.5, In-Beom-5, Reyna-5.5, Montero-3 (Venuto-5.5, Levis-5, Nerwisnki-4.5)
Soccer Shorts (The Director's Cut) 