Vancouver Whitecaps hold their horses

Editor: I need five hundred words on Cavalry against the Whitecaps. Stat!

Me: Wait, do you want words or stats?

Editor: Stop using stupid jokes to up your word count. Give me the copy now.

Me: The copy of what?

Editor: Your resignation letter if you don’t do it sharpish.

Me: But nothing happened.

Editor: Something must have happened!

Me: But it didn’t. Literally nothing happened throughout the whole game.

Editor: We don’t pay you the big bucks to come up with nothing. Think man!

Me: Well, there was horse.

Editor: Yes, yes, yes! That’s good, an animal. People love reading about animals.

Me: It got a bit lively.

Editor: During the game?

Me: No, before. During the anthem.

Editor: Wait! So this horse disrespected the Canadian national anthem?

Me: Well….

Editor: You’re saying it disrespected the anthem and looked as though it were about to charge into the spectators?

Me: That’s not really how it….

Editor: Sounds like a pre-planned attack. How many other horses were there?

Me: Quite a few. The team name is Cavalry so it’s sort of their thing.

Editor: So a group of horses gathered at an iconic Canadian sporting venue and were only thwarted from making an all out assault on the spectators thanks to the heroic actions of a single rider?

Me: I mean…

Editor: Try and get a quote from a Government official. Ask them what plans they have in place to stop this increasingly dangerous equine menace.

Me: I don’t think that’s necessary or the appropriate reaction to what was really an incredibly minor incident.

Editor: It’s either that or write abut the game?

Me: I’ll get right on it.

Editor: Good man! I always said you were the finest of the lot of us.

Me: Wait a minute.

Editor: What now?

Me: I don’t have an editor.

Editor: Don’t be ridiculous man. I’m right here.

Me: No you aren’t.

Editor: Yes I am.

Me: No you aren’t.

Editor: Yes I am.

Me: No you aren’t.

Editor: Look, I see what you’re doing here. You’re just using up your word count by repeating the same phrases over and over and over and over and and over and over.

Me: (Sniggers)

Editor: What’s happening? Why am I repeating the same phrases over and over again? Tell me! Why am I repeating the same phrases over and over again?

Me: Because you aren’t real.

Editor: Nonsense!

Me: It’s true. I can make you say anything I want you to say.

Editor: Absolute rubbish. You can make me say anything you want me to say. Wait! What was that? Why did I say that?

Me: I made you say it. I control everything about you.

Editor: This is most disturbing. But what a great story. Forget the game and the horses! We will run with “Imaginary editor demands player ratings for a game that everybody who watched it will already have forgotten”.

Me: That’s better.

Editor: You really are great you know? Stop making me say things! You are so wonderful. Stop it at once and give me those player ratings!

Me: Okay, okay. Calm down

Editor: So sorry about that honey bun. Stop this now and remove me from this godforsaken reality immediately!!

Me: Done.

Time for the Soccer Shorts player ratings.

Crepeau-6*, Sutter-5, Adnan-5.5, Godoy-5, Henry-4.5, Cornelius-4.5, Felipe-4, Teibert-4, Rose-4, Reyna-5, Montero-3.5 (PC-4.5)

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