Vancouver Whitecaps: What the *$£^?

This is where the Vancouver Whitecaps are right now.

The coach doesn’t know his best formation, let alone his best starting eleven.

Academy products are thrown into the lineup in the hope of offering at least some semblance of positivity.

The “big” players who were missing in Orlando have returned to make the team even worse.

They couldn’t create a chance from open play if they were playing against four three-toed sloths with narcolepsy.

They couldn’t stop the opposition scoring if they had the 5th Canadian (Armoured) Division camped outside their penalty area in support.

Oh, and their DP striker is terrified of taking penalty kicks, but keeps taking them anyway for some reason too bizarre to fathom.

In short, it’s all just incompetent and joyless.

Time for the Soccer Shorts player ratings!

Hasal-4, Dajome-3, Adnan-4, Veselinovic- 4, Rose-4, Cornelius-4, Teibert-2, Baldisimo-5*, Metcalfe-3, Milinkovic-3, Cavallini-1 (Nerwinski-3, Owusu-3)

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