The Art of Being Right

It’s probably for the best that Arthur Schopenhauer didn’t live long enough to witness the modern phenomenon of the “bucket list”.

After all the German philosopher believed that human desires and the act of attaining them merely served to expose the futility of our existence.

Where the modern world sees a visit to the Taj Mahal or sky diving in the Andes as life affirming and liberating Schopenhauer merely saw the ticking off these events as gradually exposing the meaningless of it all (after all if our goals and ambitions give “meaning” to our life then doesn’t achieving them necessarily take that meaning away?).

One more thing done means one less thing to do; the vacuum of eternity gets closer and the futility of our actions becomes even starker.

Of course he also believed that not having desires to attain also exposed the futility of existence so I think there was probably a recurring theme in his world view no matter what the subject.

“Hey Arthur. I’m just off to get some bread”

“Fine. That should teach you about the futility of our lives here on earth”.

“Excuse me Arthur do you mind passing me the salt?”

“And confirm how futile our each and every heartbeat is? I don’t think so!”

For some reason history has failed to record Schopenhauer’s views on the Vancouver Whitecaps signing a new striker so it’s hard to be definitive about his position on this particular topic but we can at least make an educated guess on his thoughts .

His first instinct would probably be to wonder why a team who are the joint top scorers in the Western Conference actually need a DP striker in the first place.

“If the likes of Morales, Bolaños, Perez, Kudo and Techera are scoring and set pieces are being unusually productive then why blow valuable funds on a forward?” he would no doubt ask while staring disconsolately at his shirt sleeve .

“And furthermore” he would continue “it’s not as though anybody the Whitecaps brought in could be guaranteed to score goals and if indeed he doesn’t score goals then the rest of the season is almost certainly a bust”.

“The real issues are clearly in defence and midfield and the recent signings are specifically designed to deal with these problems” he would solemnly intone while gazing deep into the endless void of the universe “so all that’s really needed up top is a little bit more depth, not a complete and costly overhaul”.

“Sure if the club can find the right player then great, but they don’t need a striker they need the striker and if the striker isn’t available then they would be crazy to buy a striker just to be seen to be doing something” he would shout while angrily shaking his fist at a particularly futile rose bush.

“What is even the point of this rose bush?” he would shout while viciously beating it with his ivory tipped walking cane.

And at that point I think we can leave the great man alone with his thoughts and his slightly disturbing anger issues, thank him for his counsel and take comfort from the fact that even the greatest of minds find it difficult to navigate the intricacies of a salary cap league.

“Be careful what you wish for” might be an appalling bastardization of Schopenhauer’s philosophy but it may be quite apt when it comes to the desire for the Whitecaps to make a “big name” signing simply for the sake of making it.

Consolidating what they have is probably a wiser choice than going all in on a roll of the dice.