Tag: Major League Soccer

Two of the many truisms of football are that returning players always do well against their old club, and whenever a coach says his team need a break, and then they get said break, the team return playing worse.

And both were in evidence during the Whitecaps 2-2 tie with the Colorado Rapids on Saturday evening at BC Place.

Nicolas Mezquida was involved in both Colorado goals and Kei Kamara scored the second.

Both returnees were helped by the fact that the Vancouver players spent the first thirty minutes of the game clearly still daydreaming about whatever vacation they had just been one.

Perhaps to a lovingly restored old farmhouse in Tuscany? Far enough away from the hustle and bustle of modern life to be a true break, but close enough to a small village where, in the morning, they could walk to pick up some fresh bread and maybe some Pecorino if the mood so takes them?

Then, in the evening, a relaxing stroll to that charming cafe whose ever changing chalkboard menu only ever features three simple dishes but with each one being perfection.

Hard to blame the players for the lack of excitement at playing Colorado if that is the case!

In the end though they finally woke up from said daydream and get the two goal back through a Montero penalty kick and a Reyna free kick.

And there is the rub of course.

For all their attacking intent they still failed to generate a goal from open play and still failed to create one genuine clear cut opportunity.

From a  tactical perspective Ali Adnan has taken on the Alphonso Davies role of “Just give it to him and hope he does something” and if anything hurt the Whitecaps with regard to absentees it was being forced to switch from 5-3-2 (which allows Adnan more opportunities to get forward) to 4-3-3 (which places the onus on the players who are paid to score goal to score goals).

And yes, we can go on about those absentees due to the Gold Cup etc. but the attacking line was about as close to the first choice as it could be and the oft mooted new signing (s) can’t come soon enough if this team is going to make any realistic run at the post season.

Realistically though, if you’re chasing the pack and yet still can’t beat Colorado at home, then you are not going to be making the playoffs anyway and the upcoming series of road games could well be the final nail in that particular coffin.

But this was always a long term project. Overturning the years of disjointed and on the fly squad building which left a group of players who were ill fitted to each other and whose salary hit often felt more like a guerrilla art project than it did to any logical evaluation of their worth.

Oh, and Zac MacMath did nothing to move Max Crepeau away from first choice status.

Time for the Soccer Shorts player ratings.

MacMath-3, Nerwinski-4.5, Adnan-6*, Godoy-5.5, Rose-5, Erice-4.5, Felipe-4, In-Beom-5, Venuto-3.5, Reyna-5, Montero-5 (Sutter-3)

 

 

 

 

 

From yesterday but with a fun fact about the Romans and extra thoughts on the team.

The ancient Romans had a word (maybe the modern Romans do too I don’t know) anyway, the word was “Discrimen”, and it referred to the world’s first pizza delivery service which ultimately failed because the app kept crashing. Or was it the chariots that kept crashing? Contemporary reports are unclear.

Wait. That doesn’t seem right. Let’s try again.

While the Romans may not have had a food delivery service, they did have the equivalent of fast food takeout. 

Busy Romans would stop at one of the many reasonably priced “Thermopolia” to grab lunch during their busy workday.

Baked cheese slathered in honey? Take that BC Place!

Reasonably priced? Take that BC Place!

The ancient Romans had a word (maybe the modern Romans do too I don’t know) anyway, the word was “Discrimen”, and it referred to a singular moment when the achievement of an entire lifetime might hang in the balance.

A crisis point where the prospect of glorious success or heartbreaking failure seems to carry equal weight.

The Vancouver Whitecaps 1-1 tie with Toronto FC on Friday evening at BC Place might not have reached such epic levels of import but it might be the game that breaks rather than makes their season.

The Whitecaps were awful for the first eighty-five minutes. Devoid of energy or imagination or any realistic attacking intent.

It does sometimes feel as though it would be easier to get a rabid cat into a travel box full of citrus fruit than it would be to get a Vancouver player into the opposition penalty box.

This has to be a specific instruction from the coach rather than the more appealing notion that some ancient curse will forever follow the Whitecaps and their midfield until the end of time.

Fair enough that Marc Dos Santos wants his team to lure teams forward and then hit them on the break, but if teams refuse to be lured there has to be a Plan B, and right now that looks to be hitting long balls forward in the hope that Fredy Montero can feed off the scraps or that Lucas Venuto’s speed will somehow pay off.

Plan C is Ali Adnan.

But the late entry of Yordy Reyna injected some life into the game and, with just five minutes to go, he won the penalty which Fredy Montero converted.

But if you thought the Whitecaps were awful before they scored, wait until you hear about what they were like after they scored.

Because they weren’t just not interested in pushing for the second killer goal, oh no, they weren’t even interested in keeping the ball for longer than it takes to hoof it aimlessly up the field.

And they dropped so deep that at times Max Crepeau was the furthest forward for any potential counter attacking option.

The problem with getting a result from that kind of “backs to the wall, hope our luck holds” scenario (Which the Whitecaps have done this season) is that it starts to feel like a plan, when it really isn’t.

Like knowing the dice are loaded against you, but thinking that the one time you beat the house was a portent and not an aberration.

It’s just about reasonable to give the players a pass on this given their recent schedule ,but it also comes down to mentality.

The Whitecap shave shown a ton of resilience over recent weeks, battling to get points they often had no right to get.

But what they haven’t shown is the toughness of mentality when taking the lead.

The last two home games have seen the Whitecaps gain the advantage and then resort to clinging on to said advantage instead of building on it. Or even trying to build on it.

Right now they are conflating conservatism and courage and they are wrong.

But if we have to take anything away from that game it’s that the midfield is in drastic need of an upgrade. Mainly because there isn’t one to speak of, just an auxiliary defence that occasionally glances at the halfway line with the kind of rueful smile usually reserved for a man who knows that his love will forever remain unrequited.

There will be upgrades to come. Please let there be upgrades to come! And even Julius Caesar must have picked the wrong Centurions at some time or another.

The good news is that more than one team has galloped into the playoffs, and even an MLS Cup, after a crucial mid-season acquisition or two.

The bad news is that the Whitecaps are unlikely to splash enough cash to get that kind of player. So what we have to hope for is two (hopefully three) upgrades that turn this team into one that’s good enough to be better than having to scrap for points in every single game.

And also keeping Ali Adnan of course.

“We’re down to our last one hundred and ten men so what can I do?”

Or sent them out in the wrong formation.

“We probably shouldn’t have gone with the Testudo on home soil, but I’m not sure we have the soldiers to utilize the Wedge effectively.”

But Marc Dos Santos must know his team are at a tipping point right now. Their very own “Discrimen” that will determine their fate for this season and maybe even beyond.

Time for the Soccer Shorts player ratings.

Crepeau-6*, Sutter-5, Adnan-5.5, Godoy-5.5, Rose-5.5, Cornelius-5, Erice-4.5, Teibert-3, In-Beom-3, Venuto-5, Montero-5, (Reyna-5.5)

There was a moment somewhere around the seventieth minute of the 2-1 victory over FC Dallas at BC Place when every single Vancouver Whitecaps player ran into a mental, physical and metaphorical brick wall.

Even Russell Teibert, a man whose sole purpose on the planet is to run around a lot on a football field, seemed to be wearing footwear fashioned from hollowed out neutron stars.

Yet somehow they managed to survive and earn a three points which must feel like a long cool soak in a saltwater swimming pool after weeks of crisscrossing the continent like that Bluetooth mouse I once ordered from Amazon.

I mean, if you’re sending something from California to Vancouver why does it have to go through Raleigh-Durham first? It makes no sense! And was it compatible once it arrived? It was not!

Thankfully the Whitecaps players do seem to be compatible with each other or, at the very least, they seem to have developed a collective cussedness that turns adversity into points.

And they really needed that cussedness for the final five minutes on Saturday as Dallas pushed for what would probably have been a deserved equalizer.

Yet Vancouver hung on and now have a whole five days to prepare for the home game against Toronto FC.

Positives from the game?

Both goals for sure. For the first Ali Adnan caressed and pushed his way between two Dallas defenders before trying one of those right foot curlers he has tried in every game thus far.

And this time it worked, as the ball arced deliciously over the outstretched hand of the Dallas goalkeeper whose name I can’t be bothered to look up.

And you know who else couldn’t be bothered to look up?

Fredy Montero, as he created the second goal for Lucas Venuto with the sweetest of back-heels that allowed the Brazilian to calmly side foot home for what turned out to be the winning goal.

The other highlight was the performance of Hwang In-Beom.

The South Korean has looked out of sorts in recent weeks but this was a return to the player we saw in his early days on the team. Always wanting to get on the ball and always looking for the quick pass.

Time will tell if this is the beginning of a resurgence or if In-Beom is just a young player who struggles for consistency.

And how useful a signing does Andy Rose look right now?

He’s better suited to the midfield, but his ability to also play at the back has given Marc Dos Santos the chance to play three at the back in the last two games and thus get a goal in each one from his wing-backs.

The worst is certainly over in terms of travel for this team and, in a way, this is when the real work begins.

Because this is when the Whitecaps need to push on and establish that they are more than just a bunch of scrappy kids who never give up.

Over the next few weeks and months we need to see them develop into a coherent football team.

Time for the Soccer Shorts Player Ratings.

Crepeau-=6, Nerwinski-6, Adnan-7*, Godoy-6.5, Rose-6, Cornelius-5.5, Erice-6, Teibert-5.5, In-Beom-6.5, Venuto-6, Montero-6 (PC-6).

 

 

 

 

It’s hard to give an effective assessment of a team as injury battered as the Vancouver Whitecaps are and who face a travel schedule that would make the average amphetamine fueled rock band think “Hmm, this is a tad wearisome.”

But for the second time in what feels like about three hours the Whitecaps went to one of the toughest stadiums in MLS and came away with a well earned point.

Although the first half certainly didn’t feel as though it was going to go that way, as Vancouver played mostly on or within their own six yard line while somehow managing to come away with a 1-1 tie at the whistle.

Whether it was Marc Dos Santos’ plan to defend for the first half and then play a more attacking style in the second, or whether he was just watched that first forty-five minutes and just thought “Hmm, this is a tad wearisome” is hard to say, but the introduction of Montero for Levis meant his side kept possession so much more effectively and even began to look like the better team.

Even an Andy Rose own goal didn’t stop them in their stride and when the VAR gods decided that their whims would be favouring the Whitecaps this time around Fredy Montero slotted home for a well earned point.

It could have been more right at the death had In-Beom raised his head instead of aimlessly shooting when Felipe was wide open but, all in all, this is clearly a group of players who believe in what their coach is selling them and are willing to play for him no matter how dire the circumstance.

Special shout out to Joaquin Ardaiz who proved that he can play football after all and was excellent as both the hold up and link up forward and to Scott Sutter who got forward to give the Whitecaps the lead and who looks more than suited to the wing back role.

And also to referee Victor Rivas. The second “new” match official the Whitecaps have had in consecutive games and the second who seemed to understand the game far more than the familiar and established names.

At least some hope that in the future we won’t be watching an MLS match official and spend the whole game thinking “Hmm, this is a tad wearisome.”

Time for the Soccer Shorts Player Ratings

Macmath-5, Sutter-6, Godoy-6, Rose-5.5, Cornelius-5.5, Adnan-6, Felipe-5, Erice-5.5, Levis-4.5, PC-4.5, Ardaiz-6* (Montero-6, In-Beom-4, Venuto-5) 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well that was awful.

Kansas is never an easy place to play but the Whitecaps made it even harder with their performance on Saturday evening.

They gave away a goal in the first half thanks to yet another series of unforced errors and even when Kansas went down to ten men early in the second half Vancouver failed to take advantage.

It’s a fairly basic tenet of playing against a team who are a man down that you need to pass and move, keep good possession and make the opponent work at chasing the ball.

Yet the Whitecaps did none of those things.

Stuck as they were in the kind of ponderous build up play that is just about acceptable on the road when facing a superior opponent, but serves no purpose whatsoever when there should be the scent of blood in the water.

So there was a kind of karmic suitability to Doneil Henry going down injured and being withdrawn almost immediately after Marc Dos Santos had made his third and final substitution of the game.

Fail to take advantage of that kind of opportunity and the Universe will happily kick you in the teeth.

It’s hard to say who played well.

But Russell Teibert battled for everything and Fredy Montero never gave up in the search for scraps of opportunities (but the fact that Montero was constantly dropping deep to pick up the ball gives a pretty good indication of how poor the service he received was).

Where the Whitecaps go from here is hard to say.

If they can’t create an offensive threat against a team as injury ravaged as Kansas City and when that team is also down to ten men then even the well worn excuses of of “It’s technically an expansion year” and “They will strengthen in the summer” lose what little patina of respectability they continue to have.

All in all this was arguably the most dispiriting performance of the season. A brutal reminder of the deficiencies of both the starting eleven and the squad as a whole.

And maybe this was even the first crack in the armour surrounding Dos Santos as a coach? He can only work with what he has for sure, but the continuing inability to create chances should have been at least partially solved on the training ground by now.

On, and as an addendum, Derek Cornelius smacked home a sweet left footed volley in the final minute to earn the Whitecaps a hugely creditable away point in Kansas.

All is well!

Time for the Soccer Shorts Player ratings.

Crepeau-5.5, Nerwinksi-5, Adnan-6, Henry-5.5, Godoy-5.5, Felipe-5, Teibert-6*, Rose-5.5, PC-4, Venuto-4, Montero-5.5 (Cornelius-5, In-Beom-4, Ardaiz-4)

 

 

 

 

 

 

From yesterday but now with some stuff about the actual game.

Back in the nineteenth century the French astronomer Urbain Le Verrier discovered the planet Vulcan.

Or rather, he posited the idea of the planet Vulcan as the only way to explain the slight variations in Mercury’s orbit. Sir Isaac Newton had conclusively explained how the Universe worked and so, theorized Le Verrier, that meant there had to be another object close to Mercury to tug at its trajectory.

And some people saw it and recorded their sightings.

It wasn’t easy to see because it was so close to another, much larger, planet and the observer frequently had to deal with the light of the sun overshadowing everything.

It also wasn’t easy to see because it didn’t exist.

It made sense that it did, but it didn’t.

Eventually Einstein came along and explained the Theory of Relativity in what we can only assume was a rather smug and tedious PowerPoint presentation and the planet Vulcan was cast aside, never to be seen in either science or popular culture ever again.

I don’t want to get into the whole Zvolenszky, Koťátko, Goodman debate about abstract artifacts at this point (mainly because I don’t understand a word of it) but, in a strange way, Le Verrier did more than “discover” Vulcan. He “created” it (even though that creation was both mistaken and inadvertent).

So what is the moral of the story?

Making shit up can still lead to a viable career? Perhaps. But really it’s that the way the world seems doesn’t necessarily mean that’s how it really is.

Time for the Soccer Shorts player ratings.

Wait? What? You want something about the Whitecaps 1-0 victory over Portland at BC Place on Friday evening and you want it to somehow segue in to a planet that doesn’t exist?

Well let’s see.

For about twenty five minutes in the first half Marc Dos Santos somehow managed to convince his players that there was a new way of seeing the world. That the curvature of Time and Space were more than just theoretical notions and that they could have real world applications.

And during that period the Whitecaps battered Portland with one touch football, outside of the boot passes and frequent forays in to the opposition penalty area.

Vancouver scored one goal during that time but it could have been more.

Crucial to that good spell was the performance of Hwang In-Beom, who dictated play from the middle of the park in a way we haven’t seen from him before. Equally crucial to the drop in quality in the second half was the play of Hwang In-Beom, who produced twenty minutes of terrible football before being unceremoniously withdrawn.

Inconsistency is the price you pay for taking a punt on youth over experience I suppose.

But the very fact that it wasn’t more seemed to sow the seeds of doubt and players raised in the more pragmatic world of Newtonion  football began to revert to type.

To sit too deep, to clear the ball rather than work it out of defence and confuse defending in numbers with good defending.

Somehow they got away with it (largely down to a stellar performance from Max Crepeau) and they were probably owed that result given the way some games have gone this season, but the second half performance was not a recipe for long term success.

The performance of Fredy Montero also should’t go unremarked upon.

It’s hard to know whether his game has improved over the last two weeks because he got some much needed rest or because he’s finally getting at least glimpses of the service he requires.

But whatever the reason, to see both his work rate and ability to stay calm (maybe even become calmer?) as the ball dropped to his feet in the penalty area was a refreshing change from the mainly “I’ll hit this as hard as I can and hope it works” school of finishing we have seen from other Whitecaps forwards in similar situations.

But those opening salvos did at least hint at the possibility of what this Dos Santos team could become with a little more coaching and a little more quality.

And suddenly, somehow, the playoffs are no longer simply a hypothetical planet we believe in because that’s how we want the universe to be.

And suddenly, somehow, the pull we feel toward them might actually be real.

The three home games in May will be crucial in determining their final fate. Pick up points in those and remain in the hunt before bringing in more quality and it’s game on.

Fade to seven, eight or nine points adrift before any further additions can be made and we are very much into “rebuilding for next season” territory.

And I’m not sure the Whitecaps have that much leeway with some sections of the fan base.

Time for the Soccer Shorts player ratings.

Crepeau-7*, Nerwinski-6, Adnan-6.5, Henry-6, Godoy-6, Erice-6, Teibert-6, In-Beom-5, Bangoura-5,5, Venuto-5, Montero-7 (Rose-5.5).

One of the great things about soccer is that even games of a low standard can be gloriously entertaining. Penalty box skirmishes, hilarious defending and professional athletes looking as physically coherent as drunken schoolchildren trying to trap an otter in an oil drum.

The Whitecaps recent victory in Colorado just about fits in to that category but what, if anything, can we extrapolate from that game?

Jake Nerwinski might be improving- Nerwinski started the season as a one man mishap factory, conceding penalty kicks on a regular basis and often looking as though he were still trying to figure out the precise dimensions of a football field.

But in the last few games he has looked far more reliable. Not great, but reliable enough for Whitecaps supporters to not catch their collective breath when he approaches an opponent in the penalty area.

He still doesn’t get forward enough and his delivery when he does get forward is still lacking in quality but he’s not the “first name on the team sheet to be worried about” anymore.

And maybe his game will grow even more the longer he plays opposite Ali Adnan?

Signing the Iraqi left back to a long term deal has to be the Whitecaps number one priority at the moment.

Does Erik Godoy exist?- Seriously. His name is always there in the lineup. He always gets a decent score in the gold standard of player ratings system. And yet we never see him from the first whistle to the last.

Have the Whitecaps circumvented the salary cap system by signing a ghost? A human riddle in shadow form?

That certainly doesn’t sound like the kind of thing they would do.

So we can only conclude that Godoy is just a very good central defender.

Weird.

Signing the the Argentinian to a long term deal has to be the Whitecaps number one priority at the moment.

The midfield is still a huge issue. Even at 2-0 up the Whitecaps were leaving huge gaps in the centre of the park for Colorado to run in to.

That’s partly down to Hwang In-Beom being completely unsuited to playing a deep role. The South Korean is too easily bullied off the ball and doesn’t seem to possess the vision to play the killer pass Vancouver all too often rely on.

But put him near the opposition penalty area and suddenly his speed of movement and one touch football is much more likely to produce results.

And Russell Teibert and Felipe are Russell Teibert and Felipe and there’s not much more we can say about that without falling into a pit of deep indifference.

Maybe Andy Rose will turn out to be key that unlocks the box that keeps the answers to all these questions within it?

But he probably won’t.

Signing the right midfielder has to be the Whitecaps number one priority at the moment.

Front three set? The Montero, Bangoura and Venuto combination was easily the most effective that Marc Dos Santos has yet put out.

Replacing Reyna’s pace in the middle with all out pace out wide allowed Fredy Montero to play his natural game of either dropping deep or sniffing out an opportunity.

But the Whitecaps will need more guile when they play teams who are more than happy to sit deep at BC Place.

Signing the right creative player who can open up tight defences has to be the Whitecaps number one priority at the moment.

 

Well, it finally happened.

The Vancouver Whitecaps finally got to play a team who could somehow mess things up even more than they could.

But what a series of punches and counter punches it was.

THWACK! The Colorado Rapids defend terribly to allow Fredy Montero through on goal. He slots home calmly.

CLUNK! The Rapids defend terribly once more to allow Montero to set Lucas Venuto up to score from one yard out.

BLONK! With the Whitecaps looking comfortable Montero concedes a needless penalty kick. Former Whitecap Kei Kamara scores.

BLAPP! Montero pushes Brett Levis into Axel Sjoberg to concede another needless penalty kick. Kei Kamara scores again.

KERPLUNK! With the Rapids suddenly in control Diego Rubio slaps Doneil Henry in the face to earn a clear and stupid red card. Colorado are down to ten men.

FERSHAP! Lass Bangoura scores a well taken goal to give the Whitecaps an unlikely 3-2  lead. Joy on the Whitecaps bench is unconfined. But….VAR overturns the goal for offside and the score remains 2-2.

BFTIDJKD! Andy Rose latches on to a loose ball in the box to give the Whitecaps an unlikely 3-2 lead. Joy on the Whitecaps bench is very much confined until the goal is definitely given.

JERZOW! After six minutes of stoppage time the referee blows the final whistle and the Whitecaps receive a much needed three points.

I’m not sure it’s possible to make any coherent analysis of that game (“No change there then.” Mumbles the reader with unnecessary bitterness).

But the quick takeaways.

Montero can still score goals and play a part this season.

Lass Bangoura looks better than both Venuto and PC in the wide role.

Andy Rose showed the value of having a midfielder who was happy to get into the box.

The Whitecaps continue to defend well while simultaneously being incredibly stupid at times.

Time for the Soccer Shorts player ratings.

Crepeau-6, Nerwinski-6, Adnan-5, Henry-6, Godoy-6*, Erice-5.5, Teibert-4.5, In-Beom-5, Bangoura-6, Venuto-5, Montero-6 (Levis-4)

 

Finally!

The Vancouver Whitecaps earned their first win of the season versus LAFC at BC Place on Wednesday with an impressive, if tad nervy, 1-0 win.

The second half was a little too “every hand on deck in defence” for anybody’s genuine liking but there were enough positives about the whole performance to convince that this team is still very much a work in progress rather than regress.

The front three of Reyna , Venuto and PC provided far more movement than we have seen thus far this season and Reyna gave easily the most accomplished central striker performance of the campaign. Winning headers, holding up the ball and linking well with his teammates.

And the insertion of In-Beom for Felipe in the centre of midfield gave the forward three much needed support (and produced an actual goal form an actual midfielder).

Ali Adnan was great again at left back and Jake Nerwinski had his best game of the year at right back.

And while it may be too soon to say that Henry and Godoy are becoming a reliable central defensive pairing they do at least provide a degree of comfort for the anxious viewer. With Godoy in particular being the unsung hero. Henry may be all last ditch clearances and rash tackles but Godoy has an ability to simply ease through the game unnoticed.

And a word for Jon Erice too.

The captain was subbed with about ten minutes to go and immediately became an additional coach on the bench, constantly leaping up to direct teammates where to run and who to close down.

In fact, the animation of the whole bench gave an indication of just how important this win was for the team; a psychological barrier overcome for sure.

If we wanted to be critical (and of course we do) we could point out the lack of composure in possession as the pressure increased, but that desperate desire for the first three points can be taken as a mitigating factor in this instance

And, once again, more clinical finishing would have made the game far less stressful for all concerned.

But this performance felt like something to really build on and we can all finally exhale with relief at seeing Marc Dos Santos obtain his first victory as coach of the Caps

Time for the Soccer Shorts player ratings.

Crepeau-6, Nerwinski-6, Adnan-6.5, Godoy-6.5, Henry-5.5, Ereice-5.5, Teibert-5.5, In-Beom-5.5, PC-5.5, Venuto-5.5, Reyna-6.5* 

 

 

Yesterday I produced the notes from my regular Saturday morning trip to see my analyst. Today, with his permission, I’ve added his own contemporaneous notations.

Due to circumstances beyond my control there will be no review of the Vancouver Whitecaps 1-1 tie with the Chicago Fire on Friday evening.

So, instead, I’ve decided to post the notes from the regular Saturday morning trip to see my incredibly expensive analyst.

Analyst: And how are we feeling this morning?

(As if I need to ask. The patient is clearly in an agitated frame of mind. But what will it be this time? MLS officiating, the Whitecaps inability to get a midfielder into an attacking position or, please no, a return to his debilitating obsession with Robbo).

Me: Fine.

Analyst: Oh dear, what’s the matter now?

Me: VAR.

Analyst: (sighing heavily) What’s happened this time?

Me: Well, the Whitecaps were winning 1-0 with about five minutes to go when, out of nowhere, the referee or the VAR official or somebody gave Chicago a penalty out of nothing. Then I spent the rest of the evening arguing with people on Twitter about whether it was a PK, what “clear and obvious” really means and the definition of a “missed incident”.

Analyst: We’ve spoken about this kind of behaviour before haven’t we?

(I find his search for answers and clarity within the confines of the world of Social Media both touching and bizarre. Why will he never go to his nice place?).

Me: Yes, yes yes.

Analyst: And what are you supposed to do in those situations?

Me: Go to my nice place.

Analyst: So why didn’t you?

Me: It’s weird because the vagaries of normal refereeing decisions don’t bother me. “Part of the game” and all that. But every VAR decision that’s even a little bit contentious sends me into paroxysms of incandescent fury.

Analyst: Why do you think that is?

Me: Well, I don’t know if I told you but I was against VAR even before it was introduced…

Analyst: Yes you did mention it (Looks at notes). That was in sessions fifty eight through eighty three.

(And what tedium those sessions brought upon me. Hour after hour of “What if?” scenarios until the patient began to twist himself into knots of internal logic. I had hoped that the introduction of VAR would have eased these thoughts but instead it appears to have accelerated them).

Me: Right. So I think there’s a part of me that feels a kind of vindication. I just want to shout “I told you this would happen!” at everything and everybody. But I think it goes deeper than that really.

Analyst: How so?

Me: I think VAR represents just one more way in which we as a society are getting our priorities wrong and looking for all the wrong answers in all the wrong places. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, it matters not one jot whether Doneil Henry handled the ball but we waste time and energy and resources on deciphering exactly that. But genuine miscarriages of justice that destroy people’s lives barely register with us at all.

Analyst: So you think VAR is as a symptom of a sick society?

Me: No, I think VAR is the cause.

Analyst: That’s insane.

Me: Should you be using words like that?

(I probably shouldn’t but who cares? He is insane if he thinks that. I think I will tell him so and see how he reacts).

Analyst: If you think video review has created all the ills in society then I’m perfectly entitled to use such a word.

Me: Fair point.

(That went better than I thought it would).

Analyst: So what about the rest of the game? Talk to me about that.

Me: Well that’s kind of the point. The Caps didn’t really deserve the win. They were pretty awful, didn’t really look like creating anything from open play and the midfield was, once again, bereft of any creativity. I mean, I don’t think Russell Teibert has ever seen a back pass he didn’t immediately fall head over heels in love with.

(And always he comes back to Teibert’s passing. My working theory is that it has come to represent the patient’s own inability to move forward in his life and so every backward pass made by Teibert is a sharp sting of recognition toward the patient’s own failures).

Analyst: What have we said before about Teibert’s passing?

Me: (sighing). To let it go, to accept it.

Analyst: And with acceptance comes?

Me: Tranquility.

Analyst: Very good. So who played well?

Me: Nobody really. I guess they were defensively sound, but only because they sat so deep. And I don’t get why In-Beom is being played out wide. Or rather I do get it but it isn’t working. Asking him to drift inside to become an occasional number ten is nice in theory but we need him there all the time offering some kind of attacking threat because right now the opposition defenders only have Fredy Montero to worry about and he’s nowhere near his best form.

(He’s right about Montero but he’s so wrong about In-Beom. He needs to be playing as a central box to box midfielder not as a creative number ten).

Analyst: Still, a point on the road isn’t bad is it?

Me: I guess not, but it still feels like one step forward and one step back right now.

Analyst: Oh well, let’s hope they do better against LAFC on Wednesday evening.

Me: Ha!

Analyst: Right. That’s your time up I’m afraid. I think we made progress today. I’m sensing that you’re beginning to come to terms with your mistrust of VAR and with that comes acceptance.

Me: I don’t want to accept it!

Analyst: Yeah well tough luck because your time is up. Goodbye. Oh, but just before you go.

Me: Yes?

Analyst: Could you give me the Soccer Shorts player ratings?

Me: Sure.

(Always fascinating to see the patient judge others far harsher than he ever judges himself. I will be surprised if Teibert even gets above four).

Crepeau- 6*, Sutter-5.5, Adnan-5.5, Godoy-5.5, Henry-5.5, Teibert-4, Felipe-4, Erice 4.5, Reyna-4, In-Beom-4, Montero-3.5